The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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