If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
