Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just gift wrapped bread.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
