did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
