Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
