mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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