Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
