i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
