She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
