Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
