I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
