apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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