apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
