Sry I called you an 8
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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