God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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