i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
