I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
