dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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