when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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