if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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