I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
