I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it penis luge time yet?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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