you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
