Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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