"it" just moved
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
