oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
