I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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