i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They took my balls.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
wow bdsm is so cute
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