I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
