oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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