I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
