Taylor Swift is so right about you.
from now on my penis is your penis
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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