i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was born a porn star she said
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
