He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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