she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
