I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
