Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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