You're my little dorito
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
