is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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