New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
