I could have mohawked her pubes.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
