Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
