she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
