hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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