M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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