I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
