when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
