Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
