I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
