He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
