how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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