I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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