the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize