Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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