was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Randomize
