Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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