I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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