the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
