i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
