Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
