I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
