her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
