The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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