watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
