We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am midnight drunk by noon
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
