He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
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I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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