Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
