but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I supernannyed him into submission
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