You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
