what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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