i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
