I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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