i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
