you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
