I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize