dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
