Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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