He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
