3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
