Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
