if you like me you must not know who I am
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
