I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
