I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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