She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
