So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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