I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
